Post Remembrance Day thoughtsWell another remembrance day has come and gone.Post Remembrance Day thoughts by Master-of-the-Boot
And honestly it left me feeling pretty empty.
For the first time in my life, wearing the poppy and standing in while a speaker says the soldiers died for my freedom made me feel both dirty and sickened.
Maybe part of it came from my brief time in the army, but this year I don't feel the same about remembrance day.
Let's start with the first thing. The way that the speakers at the remembrance day ceremonies talked about how the soldiers died to preserve our way of life and to safeguard our freedoms.
No, just no.
A thousand times no.
I'm too old, I'm too cycnical and I'm too smart to fall for that shit.
In nine out of ten cases, the soldiers don't die for freedom. In nine out of ten cases the soldiers die painfully for nothing. They die in vain and they die for greed and gluttony and for profits of corporations. Soldiers give everything they have and they die for nothing. They're better men than I'll ever be but don't ever believe the bulls
Death Battle: Vampire RoyaleDeath Battle: Vampire Royale by Master-of-the-Boot
Master of the Boot: I make no bones about the fact that I love vampires. Even Anne Rice, Twilight and the BuffyxAngel ship on fanfiction have done nothing to slake my lust for great vampire fiction.
So, it is my pleasure to present to you a battle of three very different master vampires with very different weakness, motivations and powers; but all with the hunger for blood, will to dominate and appetite for destruction.
The battle itself will take place in the Team Fortress 2 map, 2Fort; one hour before sunrise with the twin forts being set up so that no one vampire will have an advantage over the other. Each vamp will come onto the battlefield with no prep or idea of what is about to happen.
Three will enter, one will leave.
Ladies, gentlemen and everything inbetween I bring you . . .
Korra is face fisted
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Korra, nor do I own the song by Dethklok, Face Fisted. Now enjoy J
Tahno finished toweling himself off after the shower and admired himself nude in the bathroom mirror. The vain water bender adjusted his naturally bouffant hair and water bended the steam off the mirror to expose a young man with toned muscles and nine inch cock. His fitness regimen and personal grooming routine would have driven lesser men and women to madness but it paid off handsomely.
He flashed himself a winning grin and turned around to expose his toned and rounded ass that connected to legs that went on for miles.
Tahno was almost brought to tears by his own beauty, “I am a god amongst men,” he announced to the universe at large. As a good measure, he gave dat ass a hearty smack before tying a towel around his waist. Outside the bathroom, Tahno heard the sound of the front door opening and smirked with much glee and anticipation.
As the newcomer into the fine apartment hung up his coat and started to walk towards the living room, Tahno jumped out of the bathroom and tackled him like an excited child seeing their parents after a long day’s work. “Daddy, you’re home!” Tahno laughed giddily.
The two of them fell over, and Tahno’s boyfriend and teammate Ming laughed and squeezed his nearly nude boyfriend tight. He gave Tahno the largest kiss ever and smiled ear to ear, “It’s adorable and creepy you call me daddy.”
Tahno laughed back, running a hand through Ming’s hair. “I like to bother you.” He went in for more aggressive kisses but immediately noticed when Ming wasn’t reciprocating. “Something wrong, Min-Min?”
Ming looked almost guilty, avoiding Tahno’s gaze. “I . . . I think we have something to talk about.”
Tahno shifted, one leg sticking out from under the towel. “Is this something serious? I’m sure it’s probably nothing and you’re just worried over nothing.”
Ming sighed and shifted to a cross legged position across from his boyfriend. “It’s not nothing Tahno.” He took a deep breath and steeled himself, “I . . . I’m not okay with the groupies anymore.”
Tahno laughed, the arrogance replacing the love and warmth he’s shown earlier. “Oh please, Min-Min, those little sluts don’t mean a thing. There’s always a distance between me and the guys and girls who get bent over.”
Ming shuddered slightly at Tahno’s cavalier attitude, “I know you say there’s distance. I know that having all those people want you really gives you a rush, but why can’t I be enough.”
Tahno groaned, “For the love of spirits, Ming,” He sat up and took the towel off, hoping that his thighs hard as bricks and uncut meat would distract his boyfriend. “You’ve had your share of groupies, before and after we became a couple. It’s not cheating! I might as well cheat on you with a glass of wine or something. You’re getting all bent out of shape over nothing.”
Ming lowered his gaze, “That’s the thing. I don’t want any more groupies. I’m sick and tired of people wanting to fuck me to try and have my fame rub off on them. I only want you, and I want us to both be committed.”
Tahno groaned louder, “What the hell are you talking about? I worship the ground you walk on, Ming. Anything you want from me, I give you without asking anything back. We’ve got a good thing, the two of us. We’re on top of the world, so let’s suckle that fat whore for all it’s worth.”
Ming banged his fist on the hardwood floor, “Dammit, Tahno, I don’t want to fucking suckle any whores! I don’t want dumb groupies fondling me through my uniform, I don’t want to cheat and take performance enhancing drugs; which I only went along with because you pushed me into it! And I’m fucking sick of dealing with your false pride and insecurity!”
Tahno gritted his teeth and got up in Ming’s face, “how the fuck do you think we got so successful! We’re here because of me! You’d be nothing without me!”
Ming shoved Tahno back, “Fuck you! We’re a team effort, and if you keep lying to yourself that it was all you then I’m fucking gone.”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Tahno seethed.
Ming gave him a furious smile, “Yeah Tahno, if you can’t treat me like an equal and if you don’t knock off all this other shit then I’m gone forever from you and from the team.”
Desperate and terrified, Tahno grabbed Ming’s wrist, “Please, Min-Min, don’t go. I’m sorry I said what I did.” He sighed, “Look, let’s just sit down and talk over this.”
But that was about as far as the two of them got because at that very minute, somebody broke the window—with their face.
A woman shot through the living room window like a guided cruise missile, shattering it with her face and slamming into Ming. The woman and Ming rolled backwards from the impact, their limbs akimbo before Ming’s head slammed into a heavy wooden table.
Tahno shot up and screamed, “MING!!!!!” instantly, his body went into fighting form and he bent a nearby pitcher of water; ready to use it as a weapon.
The woman from the window lay on the ground limp and possibly dead, Ming was hardly better; a large bloody gash on his forehead was going to leave one hell of a mark.
Then like a puppet whose found her strings, the woman got up in a strange wobbly way that reminded Tahno of a rising bird serpent. It was then that he realized who it was, “Uh-vatar?”
Avatar Korra looked like hell, her vacant face had what looked like a hundred shards of glass sticking out of it; blood was already running down her shirt. One pupil was larger than the other and droop poured down her chin.
Tahno recovered from shock to confront Korra, “What fuck are you doing here!?”
Swaying back and forth as if drunk, Korra stuck out an accusatory finger at the Captain of the Wolfbats and spoke in a bizarre, growling voice, “I am be dangerous now. Not hurt when me stairs fell down. In pro bending me hit head.”
Tahno looked at the Avatar wide eyed, with anger and shock, “What?”
Korra’s vacant face accused him once more, “Me broke nose, soon you be dead”
Boy Tahno rightly thought that Korra’s behavior was alarming and that she needed to leave. “Agni, Ta and Lo, get the fuck out of here!” With that, he flung a water whip at Korra and struck her across the chest. It was mean to be a warning shot, something that would wind most attackers and leave the mother of all bruises without killing them. So to his very great shock, Korra stood there and ignored the water whip like it was a gentle love tap. She didn’t even stumble.
Tahno struck at Korra again, but this time she struck back. Moving arms in circular motion, Korra took control of the water from Tahno. The young man gulped in fear, his powers no match for the master of bending.
He screamed as Korra water whipped him across the left thigh. With a shift of her stance, she whipped him across the right thigh, higher up this time. He tried to reason with the Avatar, worried that the next water whip was going to hit him in the family jewels. “Please!” he cried as he put his hands instinctively over little Tahno, “Let’s talk about this.” But Korra wasn’t listening to a word he had to say.
He gasped as the water whip became a tentacle that wrapped around his throat, fear levels in his heart went into crit mode as he was pulled right up into the Avatar’s badly mutilated face.
“So strong, my bending is, water bend you drown. Fire bend me, you’re burning. Earth Bend, you’re broken.”
She threw Tahno back onto the living room Sofa with enough force to make the stylish piece of furniture fall backwards. The stylish and now terrified young man bonked his head against the floor. He rolled over off the fallen sofa and tried to make a rush for Ming. In his mind, there was a reasonable chance he could fireman carry Ming out of the apartment and maybe distract Korra with a piece of raw meat from the ice box. He never got the chance to find out if the plan would work.
Korra somehow leapt in front of him, her motions jerky and inhuman; it was almost like she was water bending herself. Her vacant face twisted into an expression of unfocused psychotic fury that was turned into a Clive Barker nightmare by the glass shards that were shredding her face up. Blood was even staining her teeth from accidently swallowing a few glass pieces on her initial entry. “I am be angerous now. You throwing rock at me, hit eye and it no hurt me!”
Still, Tahn tried to plead with the enraged and insane water tribe girl, “Please, just go! I’m sorry for—aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!”
As soon as he tried pleading, Korra reached out and gave Tahno the worst purple nipple of all time. It was like she was trying to start atomic fusion by pinching his pink nubs.
Over the sound of Tahno’s high pitched scream of pain, Korra growled and gritted her bloody teeth, “I’m strong, YOUR’RE NOT!” Letting go of his tiny little nipples, Korra grabbed Tahno Southern wrestling tackle and threw him across the room. Screaming, naked Tahno summersaulted across the room, giving Korra a three hundred and sixty degree view of the sweet, sexy little bod that she was going to fuck up. Fortunately a nice soft coffee table broke Tahno’s his fall.
Tahno gasped for air as the pieces of the bamboo coffee table dug into his skin like Satan’s acupuncture session. He didn’t have long before Korra was on him like mouse-flies on shit or boring on Tenzin.
Grabbing the lad’s hair, Korra began to get to work on Tahno’s pretty little face. It was like she was starting a chainsaw without gas. “You’re not!”
She was still talking in that growly voice, but now it was only in her head.
I’m clearing time for fighting, I’m making time for hitting!
Now we’re inside Korra’s head, in a place that I like to call Korra Land.
Korra is on the Republic city streets facing off Equalists, she starts to do some kung fu moves to try and scare them off when the Lieutenant zaps her with his electric sticks. Korra becomes a charred outline with eyes like a Warner Bros cartoon.
We’ll meet and I will beat you!
Korra spars with her cousins Desna and Eska, brutally. With a big smile, Korra punches Desna in the balls hard enough that cartoon lightning is radiating around the injury. Also smiling, Korra drives an ice spike through Eska’s foot and head-buts her on the nose
We’re now out of Korra Land and back to Korra kicking the shit out of Tahno, Captain of the Wolfbats. Korra twisted Tahno’s arm, having flipped the injured young man over, he cries in pain and alternates between begging her to let Ming go and threatening to rape and kill her and dump her body in the bay. She had none of it though.
Twisting his arm until it almost dislocated his shoulder, Korra growled into his ear while rubbing her mons over Tahno’s surprisingly firm butt. “Our schedules permitting, I will beat you.” She let go of his arm and began to put him into a sleeper hold. She started to twist this way and that, trying to break his neck; forgetting that shit only works in fiction. All it managed to do was add “extensive chiropractor work” to the list of shit that Tahno would have to take care of in the morning.
She was angry enough to eat a tablespoon of powdered cinnamon, and she wasn’t making sense anymore. “I pick out fighting outfit. Don’t want my pants too tight.” She twisted around like a snake-eel and began to twist his foot in agonizing ways, “Need Clothes that breath to beat you”
In Korra’s weird little mind, Tahno was turning into Amon, her dreaded nemesis. “You’ll be beaten down tonight! She swore to Amon/Tahno.
Back in Korra Land
Korra furiously lights weights in the South Pole compound, body sweating as she does arm curls with the weight most people save for leg day
I’m so fucking tough
I’m so fucking tough
I’m so fucking tough
In the South Pole, Korra does squats with Naga on her back. Her polarbear dog gives a bored yawn as Korra beast modes it through the set
I’m so fucking tough
I’m so fucking tough
I’m so fucking tough
Korra is taking a shower at Air Temple Island and she washes the shampoo out of her hair just in time to see that Meelo is peeping on her from behind the shower curtain. Meelo makes a run for it as Korra fire bends at him.
Korra stood over Tahno, who was unconscious and groaning softly; but she picked him up and began shaking him like a rag doll. While in Korra Land, unconscious Tahno morphed into everyone who’d done Korra wrong in ways small or big; even people she hadn’t met yet.
Korra points at each of her foes and gives them a piece of her mind; jabbing an accusing finger as well.
She points at Mako: You’re an ugly man!
She points at Bolin: You’re as dumb as sand!
She points at Lin Bei-Fong: Your mom’s fucking fat!
She points at Katara: Your mom blew a rat!
She points at Meelo: You were a mistake!
She points at Varrick: You have sex with cake!
She points at Kuvira: You think you’re so tough!
She points at Tenzin: You’re a living bluff!
She points at Amon: I will put you down!
She points at Zaheer: I will make you drown!
She points at young Sokka: I will make you bleed!
She points at Jinora: I am filled with speed!
Back in the real world, Korra began attacking the furniture. She grabbed the radio and stomped on it until it was smoking and fizzing sparks. She punched out the wall clock, driving more glass shards into her skin and flesh. Then she ran into the kitchen tore the door off the oven. To crown it off, Korra went into the bedroom and flipped over the heart shaped bed.
Back in Korra Land, Avatar Korra punches out the Nickelodeon logo.
Now her schizophrenic visions take her back in time to when she was a child and discovered her mother’s bondage equipment. As young six year old Korra starts to whip herself, Korra’s Freudian Id starts to sing.
I cannot feel pain!
Korra is now at the South Pole, wearing a straight jacket and anti-cannibal mask. The padded room she’s in is covered in graffiti like “Where is Aang?” and “Kill Unalaq”.
I might be insane!
Korra completes her fire bending test and cheers.
I am victory!
Korra now stands at a chalk board on Airbender Island, mindlessly scribbling over a venn diagram that says both “history” and “Love triangle”.
I write history!
Korra is now back in the real world and she feels great. The Avatar began to run towards the window. “Fear my fist! On your face!” She growled as she jumped straight through an unbroken window pane instead of just going through the original opening.
Running over the rooftops like Batman, Korra chanted to herself “You hate this, I feel great!”
Disappearing into the darkness of the urban jungle, Korra kept ranting and chanting; the savior the world needed but also a woman on the edge. A ticking time bomb.
(The Narrator from Sponegebob) The next morning
Korra and her good friend Asami Sato sat atop a grassy hill, close to the spot where Korra had gone fishing on her fist day in Republic city.
“So how did it go?” Asami asked.
Korra huffed and idly scratched at the mummy’s wrap of bandages on her face. “It was alright. After about an hour Tahno ran out of synonyms for ‘moth-bat shit crazy,’ and Bolin and Mako did a hell of a job lying to the police. They said that my face got fucked up because of a bad earth bending disc. Bolin was so awesome, I always thought he was a little bitch but he stood up to interrogation from Bei-Fong. Shockingly, Ming was honest and said he was unconscious before he saw anything. I think he and his boyfriend are having a falling out”
Asami smiled as her hair swayed majestically in the wind, “That’s amazing of him; I am going to really fuck him now.”
“Not if I get to him first,” Korra laughed. Asami joined in the hilarity as they pondered about their future male conquests. “Hey,” Korra asked Asami, “Want to know something?”
The pale girl giggled and twirled a flower between her fingers, “What’s that?”
“I think Mako is gay.”
“No way!” Asami cried. “He might be a total toolbox but the stories I’ve heard great stories about his performance from the fangirls.”
Korra grinned, “Fangirls always lie. Anyways, two nights ago Mako was fucking me and when he came he accidently called me Tahno.”
Asami rolled backwards with hearty laughter. When she could finally breath, she grinned, “I’m going to tell this to Tahno’s little boyfriend Ming.”
Korra laughed, but her laugher gave way to a barely concealed sadness.
Her friend frowned, “Hey, Korra, you want to talk.”
The Avatar sighed and pointed to her face, “Well after last night I was feeling good, but today I got a look at this and . . . I thought I might be the worst Avatar ever.”
Shuffling in closer, Asami put a hand on Korra’s shoulder. “Hey now, let it all out. Nothing good ever came from bottling things up.”
The Avatar continued. “Last night got me thinking. When I arrived in town, I started kicking the shit out of people and I was good at it. But looking back on it, after I beat on the triads, on the megaphone guy and even Tahno people looked like they were afraid of me. I don’t want people to be afraid of me. I even want the megaphone guy to call me a friend. I know I can’t be everyone’s best friend forever but I feel clueless about how to make people feel comfortable with me. I’m supposed to be the Avatar of balance, not Dark Lord Korra. Even that shitheel Amon is better liked than me.”
Korra went on, “I’ve always been good at fighting and in a way, causing chaos. But when I come to Republic city, there are problems I can’t punch out. Everywhere, non-benders are poorer, arrested more often and discriminated against compared to benders. But the more I fight, the more the non-benders fear me. And I just don’t know how to make things better for them.”
“Korra, you’re not the worst Avatar ever. Every Avatar has done some great things and fucked up royally in other things,” Asami assured her, “And bringing balance is never easy, it involves so much more than just keeping the status quo. Being the Avatar is about bringing the best results to all people everywhere. To do that there’s no fixed answers or hard and fast formula.”
Korra sighed, “Yes I know. And I see that Tarlock is a shithead who would rape all non-benders and put their heads on spikes if he could; but every time he talks to me or tries to convince me I just freeze up and go with whatever he’s doing. I feel like I’ve got a mental disability; I don’t know how to talk and change the politics of the Republic.”
Asami smiled, “Well, my dad raised me to take over his company when he was gone. I know better than anyone on how to move scumbags in the direction you want and how to make people like you.”
Korra smiled at her friend, “You’d really do that?”
She nodded, “For sure! Korra, It’s clear to me the White Lotus wanted a pawn, but I’ll teach you how to be a King maker. And I’ll show you how to reach the common people and make the world a better place than when you came into it. My father’s business only took off when he made products and machines that the poorest could afford; it put him on the map ahead of the old companies and child molesters like that Varrick. When you help the poorest and the weakest, then you’ll be the best Avatar.”
Korra hugged Asami, “Oh thank you!” She held her friend close, “Thanks Asami, I feel like I know so little. Thank you for your help.”
Asami grinned and held Korra tight. “Tomorrow we start, girlfriend. We’ll be taking basic economics at my house and we’ll be touring Republic City’s poorest slums. You’ll know this city and you’ll have an understanding how life is for people who aren’t wealthy male benders.” Then her hand lowered to squeeze Korra’s tight ass. “Also, I find you kinda appealing. I’ve got a hole . . . and you can drill it.” She said mischievously.
Korra pulled back. “So you’d still fuck me with all these bandages on? After I mutilated myself?”
Asami’s gaze was hungry. “I want to stick my tongue in your asshole.”
Korra laughed and hugged Asami again. “Well, if it’s mutual then I’m all for it. Tonight we’ll get sweaty and tomorrow you’ll teach me how to be more popular than Amon. This is the best day ever.”
And I have no idea how I did that. I started writing a gay erotica, then I wrote a fight scene and then a lesbian romance; all influenced and coloured by a Dethklok song.
But goddamn, this was so much fun to do. And I hope you enjoyed it.
Master of the Boot
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Personal Quote: Andrew Breitbart likes to fuck children to death with cacti while fantasising about fisting his mother in the ass. Just throwing that out there.