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I'm looking at the distant vistas and ruined buildings. Books of genocide fill my bookshelf and comedy is thinly veiled murder. 

The cruel jokes make me angry and make me choke up more than they add to my enlightenment. 

I look at what I've written and I cringe and I cringe at how much farther I might have gone with the word. 

Ennio Morricone consoles me; Cronenberg helps me sleep at night. I'm done with cheerful. 

I am not a good person and anyone who says otherwise I lied to. 

I'm trying for self awareness but I think that it's a course I'm failing and I think that maybe it's just luck. 

My wife is a stranger and my pet causes me pain. I feel like something is broken in my brain and I don't want to fix it. 

I'm Simon and Garfunkel's Rock and Island; I'm alone and shunned. 

And for some reason I feel all their pain acutely and I just want to help everyone. 

When the smiles come out and they want to be my friend, that hurts and I want to run away. 

Nothing is intuitive. 

Nothing is obvious. 

Common sense is a lie. 

I will go forward and only forwards. 

. . . . . . . 

. . . . . . . 

. . . . . . 

. . . . . . 
Pointless cruelty
Just a poem I put out when the urge to write became too great. 

it's nothing really to write home about. It took about fifteen minutes to write and I still didn't get out what I intended to. 

I guess I just needed to put out some of my mental issues on paper. 

If nothing else I hope you enjoyed. 

And after writing this depressing thing I'm going to write something funny, so enjoy :) 
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Author's note: This was done spur of the moment for the Flash Lit February contest. It was fun and surprisingly hard to do. I hope you enjoy it though and any comments are appreciated. 


A woman walked through the trails of Drakwald forest. She packed light. Carried a rifle, sawn off shotgun and a hunting knife. 

Her clothing was largely home made. Primarily made of furs. 

She was broken and tired; hadn't heard her own voice in years. 

Sarah, or Anne or whatever he name was or wasn't checked the sawn-off that wasn't used for killing animals. All clear. 

Her rifle was an antique but well maintained and the clinking bag in her pack indicated her ammo was yet high. 

She stopped and looked at the birds taking off on the horizon. The bolt of her rifle clicked. 

Defensive position was taken in the tangled, desperate underbrush. Rheumy eyes stared down the iron sights like she'd done this forever. 

Footfalls alerted her to the presence of the Ethereal. 

Roughly man shaped, long lizard like tail wrapped in shiny armor; the Ethereal marched splay legged through the trails. 

It left no footprints despite making a noise and it never disturbed the trees or underbrush. 

It stopped, glowing orbs shining through the rusted grate of its bucket helmet. Something breathed inside there. A six fingered hand clutched a scythed blade. 

Something triggered the Ethereal and its splayed legs took it away faster than any wolf or deer of the forest. 

She let out a breath but never lowered her burlap wrapped rifle. 

The ethereal was out there and so was the enemy. the Ethereal was single minded, murderous; but it was not her enemy. 

She glanced at the dipping sun. It'd be dark out soon and not even the Ethereal would be out; much worse things would be rousing soon. 

She smiled as she glanced down at her rifle. She nodded in silent conversation with herself. 

The hunt would end soon. One way or another. 

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Death Battle Profile: Michael Rosen

 Rosen Rape Face by Master-of-the-Boot

After the second world war, England went to shit. Their overseas empire collapsed and they went from “Britons never will be slaves” to “Britons lead Europe for obesity and illiteracy.” Into this Grimdark chaos was born a man who would become one of Britain’s most infamous mass killers and most beloved children’s authors.

Here is a man who defied sanity and sexual taboo in equal terms. He spread chaos and a love of reading with equal fervor.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Michael Rosen!!!!!!

Name: Michael Wayne Rosen

Age: 67

Height: 6’11

Weight: 169 lbs

Profession: Children’s author/psychopathic sex addict

 

Michael might have been a total lunatic but he didn’t get that way on his own. A veteran of both world wars, Harold Rosen was promised after returning to civilian life that there would be no more poor people or poverty. Instead he became a wife beating drunk who hung out with the gang from Clockwork orange.

 

Michael’s mother Connie was no better; she frequently beat both her children when she wasn’t going on shooting sprees with her husband. At one point, she encouraged her son and his older brother to castrate their father because their dinner salad needed some chopped nuts on it.

 

Feats:

-As a teenager survived five nights at Freddy’s

-As a child he defeated Agent 47 in hand to hand combat

-In middleschool fought in a prolongued gunfight with the FBI

-Later that year with the aid of his friends killed a Cyberdemon from Doom

-Ran a lucrative café despite having the worst food and service in London

-Went on multiple killing sprees across London with his family

-Murdered any health inspectors who threatened his café and hid the evidence

-Written over 100 critically acclaimed books

-Killed Harrybo’s Granddad

-Disabled Ryuoko Matoi

 

Yeah Michael has had a prolific career that spanned decades. Though the first time Michael took another life was when he used a machinegun to mow down the grandfather of his best friend, Harrybo. Harrybo’s Granddad was a disgusting sexual deviant who would imprison children in a shed with tits on the wall. So nobody batted an eyelash when a six year old Michael put thirty bullets into the man in broad daylight.

 

This started and cemented a pattern of behavior that Michael would follow for years to come.

 

Physicality:

-Able to outrun Nicholas Wolfwood on foot

-Surprisingly strong for a man his age

-Extremely fast on the draw

-In middle age blocked an attack from Ryuko Matoi's scissor blade with his hand

 

Mental attributes:

-Highly insane

-Totally unpredictable

-Nearly fearless

-Poor long term planning

 

 

 

Weapons/Equiptment:

 

Mossberg Combat shotgun: When going into battle or fighting his brother over who does the dishes, Michael carries with him at all times the Mossberg 590 shotgun. His model is a folding stock combat shotgun with an eight round +1 chambered tube magazine that is effective up to forty meters. His gun is light at five and one half pounds empty and is pump action.

 Rosen Gun by Master-of-the-Boot

Riot shield: During his time in Japan as an adult, Michael acquired a riot shield. Sixty centimeters by forty centimeters with a small polycarbonate window for vision; Michael’s riot shield is able to reliably defeat submachinegun bullets at ranges of twenty meters or less. Adding to its effectiveness, Michael is able to raise his shield very quickly, catching even off guard teenage schoolgirl cyborgs.

 Riot Shield by Master-of-the-Boot

Sapper: Somehow stolen from the TF2 spy, Michael used this device on various occasions to stop robotic enemies. In other circumstances it can be used to disable electronic defences or equiptment. Built by MannCo, the Electro-Sapper takes roughly six to fourteen seconds to destroy a target; depending on how hardened the electronics are.

 

Baseball Bat of time: A gift from his time travelling friend Michael Plumson, the BBOT is an unusual piece of advanced technology that modern science cannot yet unravel. Its most noticeable features are its light weight and durability. The BBOT is able to deal extra damage to armored targets and magnify the user’s force against unarmored targets. In the future, Michael Plumson was able to kill body armored agents of a nightmarish future corporation with this tool.

 Bbot by Master-of-the-Boot

M1918 BAR: The Browning Assault Rifle is a gift given to Michael from himself after his father passed out and left his old WW1 weapon lying around the house. At 7.5 kilos it is a cumbersome weapon but compensates for this with a high rate of fire (500 bullets per minute) and a long range (500 meters regular and 1500 with tripod.) The weapons other main downside is that Michael only has twenty round box magazines to load it with.

 

Chef’s knife: A cheap chef’s knife stolen from his mother’s kitchen set, Michael frequently uses this weapon in unpredictable ways; using it sometimes as a last resort melee weapon or else charging at his foes knife point first. The knife is fairly cheap stainless steel, so lacks great penetration power against armored foes.

 

Mills Bomb: A type of hand grenade used by the British army for more than a sixty years, the Mills was manufactured in large numbers in WW2 where a great number were taken by Michael’s father as souvineers and ways to eliminate annoying neighborhood pets. The bomb is packed with seven hundred and fifty-six grams of explosives as well as metal shrapnel. The fuse has a four second delay upon the pin being pulled.

 Rosen Grenade by Master-of-the-Boot

Beretta M1951: An heirloom from his father, the M1951 is a semi-automatic pistol chambered for 9x19mm ammunition and designed as the main sidearm for the Italian military. The gun has an effective firing range of fifty meters and a detachable ten round magazine.

 Rosen Beretta by Master-of-the-Boot

By the time he’d reached his fifties, Michael had toured London’s Penis Museum several times, made enemies with the Tokyo ghouls, become a wanted man in several countries and had sex with his mom.

 

Though his pride and joy would always be The Michael Rosen Plum Cafe; a nasty place where patrons frequently found live rats and toenails in their drinks and food. Despite the locals avoiding it like the plague, tourist money helped keep Michael’s business open well into retirement.

 

Powers/Abilities:

 

Giant rolled up comic: Somewhere in his life Michael learned some minor reality bending powers. One of those powers was the ability to summon fifteen hundred kilogram rolled up comicbook to slam down on his enemies. More than thirty feet long and six feet wide, it had a large area that could catch enemies unaware. The impact of it was enough to take down Kill La Kill protagonist Ryuko Matoi in a non-lethal fashion.

 

Hammerspace: Michael somehow seems to be able to draw weapons from thin air and put them back into thin air as he pleases. Thus far the limit of this ability has not been tested; though he carries at least several hundred rounds of ammunition for his guns with him at any given time.

 

Weaknesses:

 

-Lack of any true armor

-Unpredictability sometimes works against him

-No more durable than a baseline human

-Easily distracted by the presence or mention of plums in any capacity

 Plums by Master-of-the-Boot

Mickey Rosen is a serious piece of work. But something happened to him on his trip to Japan. Something in that malformed brain changed. In that little Island nation, he learned the truth about the future and the impending rise of the machines.

 

With the horrible future revealed and the rise of the self-aware computers imminent, Michael traveled back to England and vowed to be ready for judgement day.

 

He’s still there. Eating plums and ice cream and practicing with his weapons under his café. When the Terminators rise and Skynet goes online, Michael Rosen will be ready for them. 


Michael Rosen takes on PLUM Battle
I'm on a roll here. After this little distraction, it's off to the epilogue of my last DB fight and I'm working on Bill Nye vs Walter White! So stay tuned!!!
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Crazy Steve Profile: Death Battle

Author's note: this is a non profit venture, meant only for fun. If you want to use this profile for your own fights or see anything you think is inaccurate or wrong with this, then send me a note. Otherwise enjoy :) 



Crazy Steve 1 by Master-of-the-Boot


There are many versions of Batman and they’re as diverse as the people who read his comic

s. From Adam West’s colorful cornball to Michael Keaton’s Schizoid Maniac, to BTAS’s flawed but heroic character, Batman has come in all stripes.

But there is one official version of Batman who is so far off kilter and frankly so morally disgusting that he in no way resembles Batman. In fact, to call this character “Batman in name only” would be too much of a stretch.

 

So without further ado, I present to you . . . Crazy Steve!


Name: Crazy Steve (unofficial)

Official name: Batman

First appearance: The Dark Knight Returns

Age: Mid thirties

Height: 6’2’’

Weight: 210 lbs

 Crazy Steve Batman 2 by Master-of-the-Boot

==FEATS==

Fought Spawn to a standstill in single combat without a plan

Weakened superman and later defeated him in hand to hand combat

Evaded and neutralized non-lethally an entire SWAT team

Murdered Dozens of Gotham city police officers in vehicular mayhem

Brought down Lex Luthor and Brainiac’s one world government (at the cost of millions of lives)

Took on over thirty gunmen in open combat and defeated them

Tactically defeated and crippled mutant gang leader after an initial defeat

Almost murdered the Joker (Frank Miller-verse)

Kidnapped Dick Grayson and faked his death

Dropped Dick Grayson into a volcano under the Batcave

 

Crazy Steve is to say the least, a real piece of work. His first appearance saw him as a 55 year old, ten years retired Batman who returned once more to save his city. While he wasn’t yet “crazy Steve” Batman of the time was darker and more anti-hero than any version of Batman yet to appear. Really he was hardly more fascist than Christian Bale.

 

Physicality:

Strengh

-Able to bench press 1500 lbs

-Smashed through wooden walls and floors in his late fifties after years of physical inactivity

-Easily able to crush a human skull with a punch

-Shatters bones easily with a kick or blow

 

Speed

-Extremely fast for a man of his size

-Able to evade the aim of multiple gunmen at thirty feet

 -Can launch himself at a stand still through the windshield of a police car feet first

Endurance

­-Able to maintain peak speed and strength even after three days without sleep

-Able to return to near peak fighting effectiveness after being tied up and beaten for hours

-Kept fighting through a gunshot and several stab wounds inflicted on him by the Joker

 

Durability

-Survived gunshot and multiple stab wounds by the Joker

-Survived brutal beating by Spawn, just barely

 

After the mad success of The Dark Knight Returns, Frank Miller took us to Batman Year 1; the only one of his Batman stories to be considered cannon by DC.

 

It was at this point that Batman was starting to show cracks in his mind. He could mindlessly and endlessly repeat himself during the narration. He would also constantly refer to the destruction of a vague, nebulous enemy as his prime objective.

 

Ironically enough, he snapped a short but unspecified time after stopping the Joker from poisoning Gotham City’s water supply.

 

Combat Ability:

 

-Mastered every martial arts style in the world

-Master of improvised weapons and booby traps

-Mastered a variety of Bat themed throwing weapons

-Master acrobat capable of sprinting across a tightrope while evading gunfire

 

Weapons/Gear:

 

Batarangs: Comes in two variants. The first is a boomerang like version capable of longer range that is typically used to knock out a target by blunt trauma or disarm them.

 Batarang by Master-of-the-Boot

The second variant is shuriken like and comes with shorter range and greater accuracy. Within thirty feet Crazy Steve can hit a target in the eye. Shuriken batarangs come coated in a diluted snake venom that paralyzes limbs in seconds.

 Batarang 2 by Master-of-the-Boot

Grappling rifle: A heavily modified and retooled sniper rifle, Crazy Steve’s modified gun shoots out bolts that can anchor tightropes from ranges of over two hundred meters. Bolt action, the gun shoots grapnels at a firing rate of about six shots per minute.

Smoke Bombs: Small lightweight capsules that explode on impact, they release dense volumes of smoke in order to blind enemies or give Steve a quick escape. 

 

Gas capsules: Built from stolen United States army chemical research, Steve can use fast dispersing exploding gas capsules to clear out a room and take out a group of enemies. Upon inhalation, the target undergoes brief paralysis before living their worst nightmares for an hour. Targets are left drooling, facedown where they inhaled the gas. Despite this, the gas disperses in less than ten seconds, allowing Steve to not need a gas mask when using these.

 

Blowgun: A deceptively simple tool, this simple tube and uses lung power to fire darts of varying sedative strength accurately at a range of one hundred feet with a maximum range of one hundred meters

 

Grappling gun: a hand held, gas powered device that shoots out a grappling hook to a range of one hundred meters. Allowing Steve to rapidly escape a situation or move quickly through the urban jungle.

 

Bolas: Inspired by the tools of South American Cattlemen, twin weights are connected by a high tensile cable; thrown at a distance and used to trip up targets or trap their arms to their sides.

 

The Bat-Exosuit: A high performance juggernaut of a power armor, Crazy Steve used one of these suits to defeat Superman in his debut comic. Towering at eight feet tall, the suit was powerful enough to lift and throw a twenty-two on steam-roller one handed. The suit was durable enough to tank blows from a superman weakened from taking the Soviet union’s most powerful nuclear bomb to the face. The sole weakness to the armor is that Steve’s mouth is exposed.

 

The Batmobile: This isn’t your dad’s Batmobile. Crazy Steve tools around in a sixty ton tank armed with rocket launchers and machineguns loaded with rubber bullets. The vehicle only has a thirty kilometer maximum speed but this vehicle is not meant to run away. The vehicle is shielded against radiological warfare as well as poison gas.

 

The “Queer” Batmobile: This was the unofficial moniker given to the more conventional Batmobile used by Dick Grayson, age twelve. It is an unarmed but highly armored multi-purpose craft that can turn from a car to a plane and to a submarine in any order. Apologies to any LGBT people out there.

 Queer Batmobile by Master-of-the-Boot

With this car, Crazy Steve was able to hit a police car hard enough to smash it in two and in flying form he used it to fly through a building and kill over a dozen agents of the men in black.

 

The Batsuit: Steve’s iconic form of armor, which he built himself after winning the lottery and becoming wealthy overnight. The suit is highly flexible, lightweight and has a dense plate over the chest that can tank high powered sniper rounds. The rest of the suit is bullet resistant; though taking more than one bullet in the same spot is highly inadvisable.

 Kryptonite Gloves by Master-of-the-Boot

Kryptonite gloves: Because Frank Miller hates superman with a passion, he needs to make Superman mentally retarded and have Batman beat him at the drop of a hat. So Crazy Steve has got himself a giant pair of kryptonite boxing gloves which each weigh a good ten pounds. To anyone who isn’t superman, they’ll still hurt; though they do slow down the speed of Steve’s punches.

 

Bleach: One time, Crazy Steve found criminals who were absconding with crates of bleach; a household chemical that doesn't make you high and can be bought for roughly a dollar a jug. he uses thermite from his belt and bleach to create a giant firebomb to brutally murder said criminals. 

Batman Bleach 2 by Master-of-the-Boot


Thermite: A highly explosive powder used to either melt metal in locks or . . . set fire to bleach. 

Much of Steve’s past is murky, Steve himself being a highly unreliable narrator. What we do know however is that multiple times he was sexually abused by his mother and developed incestuous feelings for her. When his parents were killed in front of him, he took that moment to tearfully grope his mom’s bloody boobs; unlike the cannon Bruce Wayne.

 

Weaknesses:

 

-Incredibly childish: Steve literally seems to posess the mind of a twelve year old; becoming dejected and depressed when a kid he just kidnapped dissed his cool batcave

-highly impulsive: Like Batman, Steve always has a plan. Unlike Batman, Crazy Steve regularly abandons perfect plans for good or even flawed ones on a whim

-Proud: Steve’s ego is immense and will abandon any sense of tactics and strategy if someone shows no fear and calls him to a hand to hand fight

 

Crazy Steve was just as much of a menace to Gotham City as the rogues gallery. He went on to sexually abuse Dick Grayson when he was only twelve before firing him out of contempt and taking on Tim Drake.

 

Near the end of his life, his “perfect” plans would cause literally millions of deaths by deliberation and negligience. He cackled like a madman and spent most of his time grinning ear to ear and using the grammar of a seven year old.

 

In short, this steroid and adrenaline fueled lunatic in a bat suit is NOT Batman!!!!!!!!

Frank Miller Batman by Master-of-the-Boot

What the fuck is that?

Crazy Steve fights in goddamn Deathbattle!
And I had a lot of fun making this. 

It even made me look back into the Dark Knight returns as well as the hideously awful All Star Batman and Robin. And you know what? Frank Miller has always been a shithouse crazy borderline fascist who makes you feel dirty for enjoying superheroes. I mean, Alan Moore made a career of shitting on superheroes but he never went as far as Frank did. 

But that's just me rambling, enjoy!!!
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Mozgus Demotivator by Master-of-the-Boot
Mozgus Demotivator
Berserk the Manga can be shockingly funny. First time I saw this guy's face I was like . . . "Are you fucking feeling okay, buddy?"

I've seen less hideous faces on Spongebob. But here we go, now that we're done gawking, Mozgus is going to focus on dealing with that painful concrete like turd. 
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  • Listening to: Must kill by Calavera Conspiracy
  • Reading: star Trek: Acts of contrition
  • Watching: Novawar says Starcraft tournament
  • Playing: Tomb Raider: 2013
  • Eating: your mom
  • Drinking: water
So force is unleashed is out, and though I've tried and tried to be open minded, but after everything I'm just apathetic to the whole thing.

I don't really care one way or another about this movie.

That's not that I think it's bad before I've seen it, I just realized I don't really like star wars.

I love the moral ambiguity of the thrawn novels and the violence and grimdark of the Darth maul novels. I love the crushing defeat in the yuuzhan vong novels and I love playing old school battlefront.

But I saw new hope recently and it really isn't for me. It's basically a kids movie with very little of what I enjoy as an adult.

Empire strikes back is still my favorite movie, but I can't say that I'm all worked up for force awakens.

So I'll see it and maybe I'll like it. Maybe I won't.

Until then, I'm going to bury myself in a nice uplifting warhammer novel

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Master-of-the-Boot
just call me George
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Canada
Current Residence: British Columbia
Print preference: The Pen
Favourite genre of music: Heavy Metal
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Favourite style of art: fan art and HR Geiger
Operating System: dunno
Favourite cartoon character: Tintin
Personal Quote: Andrew Breitbart likes to fuck children to death with cacti while fantasising about fisting his mother in the ass. Just throwing that out there.
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:iconifatty-liv-moore:
iFatty-Liv-Moore Featured By Owner 3 days ago  New Deviant
Thanks for the watch! :D
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:iconmaster-of-the-boot:
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
What can I say, I'm interested in what you got ;)
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:iconkiwi-damnation:
kiwi-damnation Featured By Owner 4 days ago   Writer
Welcome to the Prose-ject family :). We're very happy to have you :heart:
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:iconmaster-of-the-boot:
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
It's an honor, kerwinator introduced me and I'm happy to be on board :) 
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:iconkiwi-damnation:
kiwi-damnation Featured By Owner 3 days ago   Writer
:heart: :huggle: Awesome :). Oh and btw, we have challenges every month. You should stick around for what's coming up over the course of the year :).
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:iconmaster-of-the-boot:
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
I'm all for challenges, that's why I signed up. I want to learn and grow. and that means taking things outside the old comfort zone. 
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(1 Reply)
:icontrachie171:
trachie171 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
So I'm a bit curious in what you have to say with the final chapters of MCF; Return of Kira. :) You seem to enjoy the story so far
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:iconpadme-the-hutt:
Padme-the-Hutt Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  New Deviant
Thanks for the watch! :D And thanks for all the lovely comments on my story chapters. It means a lot.
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:iconmaster-of-the-boot:
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
What can I say, I have a burning thirst for good literature and so far you've dazzled me with both your creativity and quality writing. 

I look forward to more of your fetish works in the future and adore to death the concept of the Star Wars WG universe :) that really gets me excited!
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:iconpadme-the-hutt:
Padme-the-Hutt Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2016  New Deviant
Chapter 1 of The Fattening Menace will hopefully be up tonight or tomorrow. :)
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