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Master of the Boot: I make no bones about the fact that I love vampires. Even Anne Rice, Twilight and the BuffyxAngel ship on fanfiction have done nothing to slake my lust for great vampire fiction.
So, it is my pleasure to present to you a battle of three very different master vampires with very different weakness, motivations and powers; but all with the hunger for blood, will to dominate and appetite for destruction.
The battle itself will take place in the Team Fortress 2 map, 2Fort; one hour before sunrise with the twin forts being set up so that no one vampire will have an advantage over the other. Each vamp will come onto the battlefield with no prep or idea of what is about to happen.
Three will enter, one will leave.
Ladies, gentlemen and everything inbetween I bring you . . .
DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Master of the Boot: To get the ball rolling we will start with the archetypal vampire himself, the legendary Count Dracula!!!!!
Dracula emerged in the twilight of the nineteenth century, reflecting the contradictions and the longings of that bygone age. He wore a human shape of charismatic stylings that barely concealed a murderous psychotic rage. He studied the highest sciences of his day and respected the arts while raping women and eating babies. He thought of himself as a king and was as merciless to his fellow vampires as he was to humans. In life empires feared him but in undeath a small band of dedicated humans laid him low.
Now the vampire that started it all returns once more to the world of the living to take his rightful place as the King of the Undead
Master of the Boot: Prepare your anus! Dracs is back in town!!!!!!
Madman with a Keyboard: And he has came back to kick ass, drink blood, and reclaim the title of Nosferatu.
Master of the Boot: And he's drank all the blood.
Madman with a Keyboard: Now it's time to drink some more blood.
Name: Count Dracula
Height: 6'2''
Weight: 189 lbs
Age: 466 years old
Species: Classic vampire
Feats:
-Spent centuries defending his title as King of vampires from various other vampires
-widely feared and respected even by vampires that aren't descended from him
-as a human consistently defeated numerically superior Turkish armies
-accomplished in necromancy and alchemy
Master of the Boot: Dracula's human past is a matter of conjecture and is rather murky. What is known however was that he studied at the Scholomance; a school for black magic run by the devil himself. Each year of the school, the devil demands that one of his students become his emissary and servant; this is how Dracula became a vampire in the first place. Chosen by Lucifer himself.
Madman with a Keyboard: Huh, and I thought the devil only went to Georgia.
*crickets*
Random Guy: YOU SUCK!
Madman with a Keyboard: Ah, shut up!
Physicality:
-Has the strength of twenty world class strong men.
-Can pounce onto victims faster than the human eye can perceive
-Can easily bend the bars of a prison cell
Reflexes:
-Possesses superhuman reflexes, comparable to a hunting big cat or some other highly advanced predatory animal. Definitely beyond human.
Medium range:
-Longsword: Dracula's castle was full of ancient broad and longswords kept in pristine killing condition. The sword in question has a blade fifty one inches long, a one and a half inch width and a cruciform hilt. Weapons like these were used to defeat late medieval plate armor with a powerful razor sharp point and rigid blade. However the cutting edge is still present and is hair splitting sharp. Dracula himself still retains his human skills with a sword and was a master at it.
Master of the Boot: Remember in Hellsing when Alucard went Vladcard and had a bigass sword? Yeah that's the same type.
Madman with a Keyboard: Yeah, this ain't no shaving razor. This weapon can quite easily slice any of Drac's opponents in twine, and he's going to use every opportunity to make sure such a thing occurs.
Melee:
-Claws: When feeding or confronting his foes, Dracula sprouted long razor sharp claws from his finger tips that were more than up to the task of shredding flesh and arteries as well as being able to cut and pierce through human bone of nearly any thickness.
-Fangs and teeth: Dracula possesses a set of razor sharp fangs, as well as a bite force of about four thousand pounds per square inch. While a wolf, which has the strongest bite of any canine only has a bite force of about twelve hundred pounds. If he gets his teeth into you, he's not letting go.
Master of the Boot: You just can't have vamps without fangs, can we now?
Madman with a Keyboard: Hey wait a minute, doesn't one of our opponents not have fangs?
Master of the Boot: True, but he's got a giant bloodsucking tentacle. So it evens out.
-Wolf form: The Count has the power to turn into a large wolf like creature, either white or black. This wolf form grants him greatly increased speed over his human form as well as a substantial increase in his already formidable bite power. This form attacks with a gaping tooth filled maw as well as un-wolf like surgical sharp claws.
Psychic powers:
-Telepathy: Dracula possesses the power to read minds with a startling degree of accuracy. Correspondingly he can shield himself from the telepathy of others as well as plant suggestions and subtly influence a target. Telepathy can also be used to enthrall humans and make them almost worship him. The longer his telepathy works on someone the more he can change and control their behaviors and even their personality
Master of the Boot: Ideal for mind controlling mental patients and mind roofie-ing women.
-Hypnosis: When power of suggestion fails, Dracula tries to use hypnosis. This power enables him to totally take over a person's mind and make them his slave for a prolonged period. He does however need eye contact for this to work. The power can be used to erase memories or plant false ones; erasing sometimes quite large periods of time from the memory banks of a victim.
-Necromancy: Even the dead fear and obey Dracula! With the powers of necromancy he can talk to the dead either telepathically or by raising them as spirits. Through these activities he can foretell parts of the future or discover hidden or forgotten knowledge. This power is especially potent on suicide victims or those who are buried on unhallowed ground. With the recently deceased he can raise them as weaker vampires who work as cannon fodder for Dracula and slaves
-Thrall sense: Any humans that Dracula bites or shares blood with, he can see through their eyes and control their bodies, though not to the same degree that Sardu can.
-Animal familiars: Dracula has been shown to be able to control the lesser creatures of the earth. Rats, bats and insects obey his every command. This animal mind control extends to larger predatory animals like wolves, in theory he could use this power on a variety of animals, especially predators and carnivores.
Special abilities:
-Gravity manipulation: Dracula can climb walls and ceilings with almost no purchase, he can even use this power to change direction in mid leap.
-Weather manipulation: Dracula can cause it to rain or snow and can powerful storms and fog to cover his tracks and impede his enemy's mobility and vision. He can direct powerful gale force winds to aid him in escape or attack.
-Size changing: One of his most bizarre powers, Dracula can actually change his height, size and width. He can slip through a crack in a wall barely a millimeter wide while still roughly keeping his human shape. He can become very, very tiny and walk through openings that are almost microscopic. He can become thin like a sheet of paper and hide in the smallest places.
-Bat form: One of his most well known forms, Count Dracula can turn into a bat to flutter into the night. This bat form is shocking durable as it was able to take a forty five caliber bullet from Quincy Morris's revolver and keep flying like nothing happened. Surely something that would rip apart a mundane bat.
-Mist form: Appearing as fog or elemental dust, in this form Dracula can neither harm nor be harmed. Also his senses do not appear to be dulled or compromised while in this form.
Vampire senses:
-Hearing: Able to hear human heartbeats as well as hear conversations from a few blocks away
-Eyesight: Has night vision comparable to a cat. Day vision or bright light vision is roughly as good as a human's.
-Smell: Comparable in sensitivity to a wolf.
-Mind powers: These can be used to track prey or enemies out of visual range, though not from very great distances.
Madman with a Keyboard: Basically, it'll be nigh-impossible to sneak up on him, without him 'hearing' you approach.
Defense:
-Regeneration: Dracula possesses a Wolverine like healing factor that allows him to stab wounds in seconds and lost limbs in slightly longer time.
-Shadow-less: Dracula isn't visible in mirrors and doesn't show up on cameras. Only organic living or undead eyes but no mechanical recording systems.
-Specific death sequence: To die totally and utterly, Dracula needs to be staked in the heart and then decapitated. Decapitation or staking alone will cause his body to shut down but he will be back up and running anywhere from minutes to an hour or two.
Madman with a Keyboard: So yeah, Dracula is essentially an undead, magic-wielding, shape-shifting Hank Pym with a sadism streak a mile wide. How the frak can he die!?
Master if the Boot: I'm glad you brought that up!
Weaknesses:
Master of the Boot: Dracula's weaknesses are both well known and not so well known so get ready for an education!
Madman with a Keyboard: That honestly, if you're interested in this, ya should know.
-Sunlight: The effect of direct sunlight causes Dracula to lose his shape shifting powers, decreases his strength somewhat, weakens his vision and appears to cause slight discomfort. It does not however kill him and he frequently goes into sunlight for hours while doing business with humans. Nor does the sun take away his mental powers.
-Water: Dracula can only cross running water with the aid of his coffin full of dirt most of the time. However during high tide and low tide he can cross water bodies unaided.
Master of the Boot: And while we're on the subject, silver does Dracula no harm. In any shape or form.
-Holy objects: Crosses, holy wafers and other Christian relics can be used against him. Crosses repel him as do bibles and contact with any sort of holy objects burns his flesh unbearably. Keep it mind that it has to be a real cross, just making a cross shape with your fingers won't stop him. To date nobody has tried using non-Christian holy relics and charms against him
-Home invitation: Dracula needs an invitation to enter a place where humans live, like a house or a mental hospital. This doesn't apply to abandoned houses or places where humans work but not live and sleep in like a factory or a warehouse.
Madman with a Keyboard: As ruthless as a bastard he may be, at least he's polite... To a certain degree.
-Natural objects: Garlic repels Dracula much like the cross does, either in bulb or flower form. The wild hawthorn bush can entangle him like a spider's web, wild roses and wolfsbane provide much the same effect as garlic.
-Stakes: Bullets or slug shaped projectiles cannot kill Dracula, even when they shoot through his heart. Only stakes or long objects made from either wood, steel or iron can kill him; like knives or swords.
Master of the Boot: Basically this means that you can kill Dracula by stabbing him in the heart with a Katana and then cut off his head before his heart can regenerate. Nice . . .
Madman with a Keyboard: Now I want to read a story with Dracula in Feudal Japan.... TO THE INTERNET!
Trivia: Nothing really relevant, just cool shit
-Dracula doesn't talk with an accent. His English is nearly perfect except for where he stresses vowel sounds in the wrong places occasionally.
Master of the Boot: Thus does the Count return to reclaim his throne and slay the pretenders, fakers and contenders who have sprung up in his absence. The violence will be swift and terrible, and the blood will flow . . .
Madman with a Keyboard: Dracula. The Prince of Darkness, The Devil in Disguise, The No-life King, and a REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE!
(Count Dracula: Listen to the children of the night. How they sing.)
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Master of the Boot: Now our next contestant is a real bastard of bastards! Born in Kansas and a defiler of women, Skinner Sweet is the American vampire; a solar powered hellspawn who eats European vamps for breakfast and some say is the devil's left nut.
Master of the Boots: American Vampire was intended to be a fuck you to the Anne Rice strain of vampires (fuck yeah!) as well as a steaming Bush era love letter to America (gag!).
The Gentleman: (Looks over through the volumes he owns) I don't see anything that actually suggests that specifically...
The Lady: (singsong) Pro-jec-tion!
Master of the Boots: I stand by what I said. Anyway, the American vampire Skinner - intentionally or not -
The Gentleman: If the subtext is what you claim it is, one is inclined to think the former-
Master of the Boots: - came to embody the very worst aspects of America and American history. As a human soldier he participated in several genocides and rapes of Native Americans. Later turning to banditry, he proved himself an opportunistic killer who held his worst impulses for none whites and women; holding misogyny as a faith and racism as a religion. And he never learned a second language. He killed children, raped women and ran with like minded psychos.
The Lady: Sounds like the mutant bastard lovechild of Freddy Krueger and a Good Ol' Boy from Deliverance.
The Gentleman: Really? I was thinking more every psychopath from Sergio Leone Westerns you could care to name... crossed with Freddy Krueger.
The Lady: Ha! I knew we thought alike!
Master of the Boots: After a run in with classic Carpathian vampires Skinner Sweet turned into a horrifying and powerful new breed of vampire that had everyone running in fear. Now almost unstoppable and bloodthirsty to the extreme, Skinner Sweet is here to make sure all will fear the American vampire.
Skinner is rude, crude and has a psychopathic desire to see that he's the last man standing . . . by any means necessary.
Skinner Sweet
Height: 6'0''
Weight: 200 lbs
Age: 60 years old
Species: American Vampire
Feats:
-able to tear apart six standard Carpathian vampires at once with ease
-became a powerful figure in the Las Vegas underworld in the twenties and thirties
-wiped out several influential cabals of Carpathian vampires
-used his power to kill other vampires to find work as a mercenary for vampire hunters for a number of years
-evaded capture by Carpathian vampire cabals and covens for years
-routinely betrayed his allies and killed his friends
Master of the Boot: To clarify, Carpathians are vampires of the Dracula type. They have most of Dracula's powers; from hypnosis to mind control. They have the strength of about six world class strongmen. They do not however turn into bats or mist, and they burn in the sun like rice paper over flame.
The Gentleman: Lovely.
Physicality:
Strength
-is totally able to overpower Carpathian and other species of vampires
Speed
-fast enough to appear invisible to humans
Reflexes:
-Outmatches the reflexes of Carpathian vampires, who are themselves superhuman
Misc
-powerful swimmer and at home in the water like a shark
The Lady: Ta-nuh. Ta-nuh. Ta-nuh-ta-nuh-ta-nuh-
The Gentleman: Are you sounding off the theme to Jaws?
The Lady: I couldn't resist!
Long range:
-Winchester Rifle: As an outlaw, Skinner used the Winchester Model 1886. Manufactured by the Winchester Repeating Arms Corporation this gun was the first true American express rifle. This gun is much more powerful than previous Winchester rifle incarnations and is chambered to fire the most powerful black cartridge shots of its day; including the .45 government round and even the heavy .50-100 express "buffalo" cartridges. The gun's design is so sturdy that it can handle modern high velocity smokeless powder bullets; which Skinner will need against his current batch of foes.
-Browning Automatic Rifle (BAR): During the war with Imperial Japan, Sweet did mercenary work for human vampire hunters and the US government. As such, he had pick of the United State's army's arsenal. During that time frame, the BAR was a highly powerful light machinegun with a maximum range of 1500 meters, a muzzle velocity of 860 meters per second and a rate of fire of 500-600 shots per minute. Human soldiers found the weapon heavy, hard to aim without a bipod and cursed the tiny twenty round magazine it came with. Sweet's vampire nature however allowed him to use it far beyond human proficiency.
-M1-Garand: This was the primary firearm of the American army during the second world war. A semi-automatic rifle with a max range of 500 meters and an eight round clip, the Garand was a huge leap forward over the bolt action rifles of the British or Germans at the time. Sweet disliked the rifle because it lacked the sentimental value of the Winchester or the insane firepower of the BAR but Skinner could use it with high competency.
Master of the Boot: So this guy isn't just an inglorious bastard, he's an inglorious asshole.
The Lady: (pouts) I wanted to say that...
Medium Range:
-Coachgun: A catch-all term for several brands of double barreled shotguns used in the days of the Ol' West, these guns have changed little in over a hundred years. Sweet's gun in particular is a big beast of a gun designed to fire twelve or even more powerful ten gauge shells. At shorter ranges the heavy buckshot will rip a man open or take off a head. The only downside is that it's a two-shot weapon strictly.
-Schofield Revolver: Skinner Sweet disagrees with revolver Ocelot on what's the greatest gun in the world. The Schofield revolver is a creation of the Smith&Wesson specifically for the needs of the US cavalry forces. Soon after its creation, bandits and desperados made use of the gun for its semi-automatic firing mechanism The gun itself has a six round capacity, muzzle velocity of 244 meters per second and was famously used by Wyatt Earp and members of his gang.
Explosives:
-Dynamite: Though we take it for granted today, for Skinner Sweet dynamite was a recent invention. After being buried alive for twenty-five years, he used copious amounts of dynamite to wipe out an entire town in a display of brutality rivaling Saddam Hussein's genocide of the Kurds. Sweet likes to keep dynamite with him most times for demolishing buildings, preferably with people in them.
Melee:
-Claws: When Skinner vamps out, his hands grow brass colored claws that are about four inches long each. The claws have a knife like edge and like Disney's Gargoyles they're strong enough to leave deep marks on solid stone and not dull
-Jaws/venom: When he's in human shape, Skinner looks like any old greasy goon. In vamp form he's a walking nightmare. During his vamp transformations, Skinner's mouth sprouts innumerable needle sharp teeth and his jaws distend like a snake, so his mouth ends up looking like something that would look about right on a deep sea fish.
Master of the Boot: Like those bastards the angler fish, those make me shit bricks!
Through his teeth, Sweet is able to inject his prey with a venom that induces long lasting and fast acting paralysis. This venom was shown to work equally well on vampires and humans. However a breed of psychotic, animalistic Japanese vampires were immune to this.
Defense:
Iron flesh: As an American vampire, Skinner Sweet possesses an armored skin that's both supple and nigh indestructible. The fangs and teeth of other vampires just bounce off and leave no scratch and even world war two era firearms in volley fire at close range don't even leave a bruise.
Solar Power: Some vampires are immune to the sun, but the American vampire has evolved beyond this. Skinner Sweet actually grows stronger from sunlight Everything about him grows stronger in sunlight. Even UV lights will give him a little perk.
Regeneration: Even if his skin is breached, Sweet's body can replace lost tissues and limbs in a matter of minutes to hours
Vampire Senses:
-Sweet possesses the usual package of superhuman senses, superhuman night vision, super smell and hearing. The only difference between him and other vampires is that his day vision is as good as his night vision and he can see in the full human spectrum of colors
Weaknesses:
Goldenrod: Gold is Skinner Sweet's kryptonite. Objects of gold will cut through his armored skin like a hot blade through butter, slow down his regeneration and leave stiff and painful scars. A gold bullet through the heart or head is an instant kill
Tyranny of the Moon: Sweet is fueled by the sun, but he needs the moon to metabolize the power of Sol. It's almost like a werewolf really. The larger the moon in the sky gets, the stronger Sweet becomes. On the new moon he's so weak that he can't vamp out and he can barely wrestle with a healthy human male. Whereas on the full moon he's at full capacity and all systems go
Japanese Vamps: On an Island south of the Japanese archipelago, Skinner and several other vampire hunters encountered a population of animal like vampires who were not only immune to Skinner's venom but could cut through his skin with their claws and teeth as if he were only human. There was not enough time to find out why this was the case, the author however hinted that this might have been evolution in action; that the process of natural selection could in fact favor and proliferate a breed of vampire able to threaten the American vampire
Master of the Boot: American vampire was a pretty good book. And it did what it set out to do wonderfully. However in the book the author pretty much takes every opportunity to say that Europeans are weaklings and hedonists with no brains. I'm sure that Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme, Vinnie Jones or Jason Statham agree with him.
The Gentleman: Sounds people are the type to happily dispense blow jobs if it means they're doing it for (insert national pride here). Others, instead of doing it for real, prefer metaphorical fellatio conveyed through fiction.
Trivia: For cool but useless stuff
-Skinner Sweet's personality and appearance were modeled after rock star Kurt Cobain. What this says about Sweet I have no idea, or what it says about the man who created him, Stephen King.
-Sweets: He's always asking people if they have any sweets. I mean like, always. It gets really annoying after a while . . . Damn you Stephen King and your repetitive writing!
Master of the Boot: But for all the book's faults, Sweet is a true example of an American vampire. Something that upsets the balance of the European powers, defies the old rules and leaves a trail of tears, blood and bodies in his wake. He's a total sociopath who will turn on his allies without a thought and butchers strictly for the fun. He's not after anything logical or reasonable; if he's out for power, its purely for a lark. Skinner Sweet isn't so much motivated to cause anarchy and death as much as anarchy and death are his motivation. He's one of the men who just wants to watch the world burn
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Master of the Boot: Last but hardly least, we get a freakshow nightmare who's ugly as hell, contagious like ebola and brutally intelligent.
Give it up for Jusef Sardu!!!!!!!!
Master of the Boot: Once upon a time, there was once an Armenian nobleman named Jusef Sardu. Sardu was crippled by gigantism, but despite his weak and infirmed body, he always showed kindness and humility to all he met; rare to anyone in his upbringing.
Madness Abe: Guy was a true gentle giant. But sadly, all that changed when one fateful day, one of the seven Master vampires killed his father and made Sardu his new host body. Inhabiting the body of Sardu, the youngest of the Master vampires gained an avatar of unparalleled strength, speed and brute force.
Master of the Boot: With Sardu's body, the Master spread a trail of plague and death before eventually covering the earth in nuclear winter and created a global vampire empire!
Madness Abe: Sadly, there was no Vampire Hunter D around to stop this kind of disaster.
Master of the Boot: Lock your doors! Try to hide! No matter what you do, Sardu will find you.
Name: Jusef Sardu
Height: 8'4''
Weight: 540 lbs
Age: 1500 years old
Species: Strain Vampire
Feats:
-Outsmarted the other older vampire masters who were thousands of years older
-Manipulated billionaire Eldritch Palmer in order to gain unlimited power and money in the human realm
-Caused a nuclear winter and took over the world in a vampire empire
-Evaded detection by human and vampire assassins for over a century
Master of the Boot: From Guillermo Del Toro's book The Strain, Sardu comes in like an eight foot nightmare. The Master who took over Sardu's body began life ironically as an Angel. Thousands of years ago, three angels came to earth and one of them went insane and cannibalized his fellow angels. For his crime, he was dismembered and his pieces scattered around the earth. These angel pieces degraded in shape from that of a celestial being into a grotesque and blood drinking life form that took the shape of ghastly vampire worms.
Madness Abe: What it is with Del Toro and worms? Anyway, these worms soon infected human beings and formed the seven original vampire Masters, with Sardu being the youngest and the greediest of them all.
Master of the Boot: When the First World War rolled around, Sardu was blown away by the sheer amount of humans he could kill and drink without anyone even noticing. Thus from that moment on, he devised a plan to kill the other Masters and rule the world for himself; turning the humans into his cattle.
Physicality:
-Crushes human heads like eggshells
-Can rip human limbs off like Lego pieces
-Can leap fifty feet into the air while carrying a five hundred pound coffin; All while being fast enough to be invisible to human eyes
-Incredibly strong even compared to the other, older master vampires
-Easily able to scale sheer surfaces while carrying a five hundred pound coffin
Reflexes:
Superhuman--moves fast enough to be invisible to video cameras
Medium range:
-Stinger: Unlike other vampires, Sardu doesn't use fangs to drink blood. Instead, he literally vomits up his own esophagus to strike at his victims. This re-purposed esophagus is eight feet long and ends in a long, razor-sharp bone barb that is meant to stab into the thighs or throats of the victims to drink their blood and simultaneously inject them with vampire capillary worms. This stinger strikes faster than humans can react to; so fast a special camera for seeing bullets in mid air is needed to see it.
Madness Abe: So, in a sense, he becomes a mosquito?
Master of the Boot: I guess so, but a lot uglier and more gross
Melee:
-Claws: Sardu, like all of his vampire kin, has neither fingernails nor hair. However on the middle finger of each hand, he has a single six inch long razor sharp claw, ideal for gutting victims or fighting with rival vampires
Master of the Boot: Remember the raptors from Jurassic Park? Those claws are on Sardu's hands
-Giant frame: Due to the massive size of his host body, Sardu possesses strength far above that of other strain vampires
Psychic powers:
-Telepathy: Sardu can both read minds and project his thoughts into others. This is useful to him as he's unable to speak human language save for a few basic words, requiring telepathy to communicate to his human servants and enemies.
Master of the Boot: His telepathic ability functions like a search engine, in that he's going to find the thoughts that are most relevant to his search, as opposed to the thoughts that are at the forefront of a human's mind. This allowed him to easily read Ephraim Goodweather's mind and see his plans but in the heat of battle against experienced vampire hunter Abraham Sektrakian, he hid his own plans from Sardu by thinking distracting thoughts and using his personal history with the vampire to antagonize him.
-Mind control: Several times Sardu has shown to mind control individual humans, playing them like puppets and making them walk into danger like horror movie blondes when they know they shouldn't go into that dark corner. He has yet to demonstrate this power on groups though or against psychically proficient foes.
-The Murmur: A kind of psychic flash bang grenade. Sardu can unleash a psychic echo of such force that it was able to render two hundred humans on board a jumbo jet unconscious.
Madness Abe: Don't get why he needs to use his mind to do that. If he wants to put 200 people to sleep, he could've made them watch a Michael Bay movie.
Master of the Boot: I still can't believe there's a guy who can make explosions boring
-Hive mind: Every vampire that Sardu creates or is genetically descended from him is part of a hive mind with him at the center. With each and every vampire of his bloodline, he can see and sense everything they can and control their actions perfectly. They have about as much individuality as a human toe or ear. He also displays a frightening degree of control over his vampires even in large groups.
Madness Abe: So, less like mosquitoes, more like giant bloodsucking bees. Got it.
Master of the Boot: Now you're getting it!
Vampire senses:
-Sight: Sardu's vision is perfectly adapted to nocturnal life and hunting patterns. He sees the world purely in black and white but has phenomenally low light vision. He also has the power to perceive heat signatures, as hot objects will appear brighter than cold ones; this allows him to see even in pitch black as everything above absolute zero is going to give off at least some light to him.
Madness Abe: But can he see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Master of the Boot: Nobody can see that, but basically Sardu has vision almost like the predator
-Hearing: Sardu's hearing is keener than the average vampire, who can hear a human heartbeat.
Madness Abe: Got an idea: Sardu Hears a Who! The goriest children's book ever!
Master of the Boot: I think you'd be good at writing children's books, Abe.
-Mind powers: Several times, Sardu has used telepathy and other mind powers to track the location of prey over close range.
Defenses:
-Regeneration: Due to the vampire worms in his blood and virus laden tissues, Sardu can replace lost tissues in minutes and even whole limbs in a matter of hours. He cannot heal, however at a rapid rate like Wolverine.
-Simplified organs: A vampire's organs are far simpler than a humans, lacking true lungs or a real digestive system. They basically only have a heart and a collection of sacs. Due to the simplicity of their organs they can handle the failure and destruction of nearly all their internal organs without much bother. Even destruction of the heart with a non-silver weapon will be little more than a minor inconvenience
-Pain resistance: Sardu's pain resistance is incredible, even for a vampire. After being poisoned with pure liquid silver and bursting into flames in direct sunlight, he still had the self control to smile at his enemies, taking off his clothes to increase his contact to sunlight, just to mock his foes.
-Body swapping: In the event that Sardu's physical body gets too badly damaged to regenerate or he receives fatal silver poisoning, he can jump into a new human body or another weaker strain vampire.
He is able to do this because his consciousness is actually not housed in his brain but in the thousands of parasitic worms that inhabit his body. These thousands of horse-hair like worms share a hive mind and that mind is Sardu. These worms enter a victim through the bodily orifices or through any wounds they have. When in the form of a thousand worms, Sardu can still use his psychic powers and the Murmur to paralyze his new host body.
Weaknesses:
Master of the Boot: As powerful as Sardu is and as great as his evil is, the old monster has weaknesses that his enemies can exploit. Crosses and holy relics don't do shit to him and garlic is useless. He also doesn't need to be invited into a home. He does however have other vampire weaknesses.
-Running water: Sardu cannot cross moving bodies of water like rivers or lakes or the ocean. It's a holdover from his genesis as an angel. The only way for him to cross bodies of water is to travel in a coffin loaded with the soil of his point of origin. He could theoretically handle a bathtub or a swimming pool but throwing him into moving water essentially puts him into suspended animation until he washes ashore and makes contact with earth.
Madness Abe: So a shower's a good place to hide from him. At least until the water gets cut off.
Master of the Boot: I forgot to pay my water bill . . .
-Silver: Pure silver burns Sardu's flesh like fire and causes it to liquefy like acid while boiling his bodily fluids. Pure silver hurts him the worst, but even silver compounds like silver nitrate can poison him fatally in the right dose.
Madness Abe: Well, I got this copy of Pokemon: Silver. Wonder if it'll kill him...
Master of the Boot: If that doesn't work we can use my dad's silver plated golf trophies
-Sunlight: Sunlight has the effect to cause Sardu to burst into flames. Even weak UV lights burn his skin and can kill the exposed worms of his bodies. In fact, should he try to host transfer, a good UV light will finish off the capillary worms in seconds with a few good sweeps. Granted he can survive for a time on fire in the sunlight, but this is highly damaging and requires that he have a replacement host lined up.
-Vomit reflex: Due to his suction based digestion system, Sardu cannot vomit like a human can. If he feeds from a blood source that is tainted with silver or silver compounds then he will be poisoned with no way to purge his body of it. He only survived such a poisoning by swapping hosts.
Trivia: For info that's not really relevant to the battle but is just interesting or otherwise funny.
Master of the Boot: Fun fact, Sardu has a digestion system like a tick. So basically as he feeds, he's constantly defecting. Yes, as he feeds, he's spraying clear ammonia rich guano everywhere.
Guillermo Del Toro: I know how to redeem vampires from the sparkling!
Readers: How?
Guillermo Del Toro: By giving them explosive diarrhea!
Readers: . . .
Master of the Boot: So at every place that he feeds, when viewed under a black light looks like if Bart Simpson lobbed a couple of hand grenades into a full port-a-potty and ran. Thanks Guillermo!
Madness Abe: Thus Sardu is not just an enemy, but the source of a deadly contagion that has the potential to infect the entire world!
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Master of the Boot: So! With the three profiles there, let me lay down the rules for voting!
The more detailed the vote the better. I don't care who you think would win, as long as you clearly identify why in relation to the others. Simply a one sentence vote saying "just because" is not going to cut it and will be disregarded.
After you pick the winner, try to choose who comes in second and third. Again, be detailed; it makes things more fun.
Beyond that, be civil to each other and try to have as fun! That's the whole point of this thing!
And before I forget, special thanks to
and 
Thank you all very much for cohosting with me, you made this all the more enjoyable.
Thanks for reading and voting!
So, it is my pleasure to present to you a battle of three very different master vampires with very different weakness, motivations and powers; but all with the hunger for blood, will to dominate and appetite for destruction.
The battle itself will take place in the Team Fortress 2 map, 2Fort; one hour before sunrise with the twin forts being set up so that no one vampire will have an advantage over the other. Each vamp will come onto the battlefield with no prep or idea of what is about to happen.
Three will enter, one will leave.
Ladies, gentlemen and everything inbetween I bring you . . .
DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Master of the Boot: To get the ball rolling we will start with the archetypal vampire himself, the legendary Count Dracula!!!!!
Dracula emerged in the twilight of the nineteenth century, reflecting the contradictions and the longings of that bygone age. He wore a human shape of charismatic stylings that barely concealed a murderous psychotic rage. He studied the highest sciences of his day and respected the arts while raping women and eating babies. He thought of himself as a king and was as merciless to his fellow vampires as he was to humans. In life empires feared him but in undeath a small band of dedicated humans laid him low.
Now the vampire that started it all returns once more to the world of the living to take his rightful place as the King of the Undead
Master of the Boot: Prepare your anus! Dracs is back in town!!!!!!
Madman with a Keyboard: And he has came back to kick ass, drink blood, and reclaim the title of Nosferatu.
Master of the Boot: And he's drank all the blood.
Madman with a Keyboard: Now it's time to drink some more blood.
Name: Count Dracula
Height: 6'2''
Weight: 189 lbs
Age: 466 years old
Species: Classic vampire
Feats:
-Spent centuries defending his title as King of vampires from various other vampires
-widely feared and respected even by vampires that aren't descended from him
-as a human consistently defeated numerically superior Turkish armies
-accomplished in necromancy and alchemy
Master of the Boot: Dracula's human past is a matter of conjecture and is rather murky. What is known however was that he studied at the Scholomance; a school for black magic run by the devil himself. Each year of the school, the devil demands that one of his students become his emissary and servant; this is how Dracula became a vampire in the first place. Chosen by Lucifer himself.
Madman with a Keyboard: Huh, and I thought the devil only went to Georgia.
*crickets*
Random Guy: YOU SUCK!
Madman with a Keyboard: Ah, shut up!
Physicality:
-Has the strength of twenty world class strong men.
-Can pounce onto victims faster than the human eye can perceive
-Can easily bend the bars of a prison cell
Reflexes:
-Possesses superhuman reflexes, comparable to a hunting big cat or some other highly advanced predatory animal. Definitely beyond human.
Medium range:
-Longsword: Dracula's castle was full of ancient broad and longswords kept in pristine killing condition. The sword in question has a blade fifty one inches long, a one and a half inch width and a cruciform hilt. Weapons like these were used to defeat late medieval plate armor with a powerful razor sharp point and rigid blade. However the cutting edge is still present and is hair splitting sharp. Dracula himself still retains his human skills with a sword and was a master at it.
Master of the Boot: Remember in Hellsing when Alucard went Vladcard and had a bigass sword? Yeah that's the same type.
Madman with a Keyboard: Yeah, this ain't no shaving razor. This weapon can quite easily slice any of Drac's opponents in twine, and he's going to use every opportunity to make sure such a thing occurs.
Melee:
-Claws: When feeding or confronting his foes, Dracula sprouted long razor sharp claws from his finger tips that were more than up to the task of shredding flesh and arteries as well as being able to cut and pierce through human bone of nearly any thickness.
-Fangs and teeth: Dracula possesses a set of razor sharp fangs, as well as a bite force of about four thousand pounds per square inch. While a wolf, which has the strongest bite of any canine only has a bite force of about twelve hundred pounds. If he gets his teeth into you, he's not letting go.
Master of the Boot: You just can't have vamps without fangs, can we now?
Madman with a Keyboard: Hey wait a minute, doesn't one of our opponents not have fangs?
Master of the Boot: True, but he's got a giant bloodsucking tentacle. So it evens out.
-Wolf form: The Count has the power to turn into a large wolf like creature, either white or black. This wolf form grants him greatly increased speed over his human form as well as a substantial increase in his already formidable bite power. This form attacks with a gaping tooth filled maw as well as un-wolf like surgical sharp claws.
Psychic powers:
-Telepathy: Dracula possesses the power to read minds with a startling degree of accuracy. Correspondingly he can shield himself from the telepathy of others as well as plant suggestions and subtly influence a target. Telepathy can also be used to enthrall humans and make them almost worship him. The longer his telepathy works on someone the more he can change and control their behaviors and even their personality
Master of the Boot: Ideal for mind controlling mental patients and mind roofie-ing women.
-Hypnosis: When power of suggestion fails, Dracula tries to use hypnosis. This power enables him to totally take over a person's mind and make them his slave for a prolonged period. He does however need eye contact for this to work. The power can be used to erase memories or plant false ones; erasing sometimes quite large periods of time from the memory banks of a victim.
-Necromancy: Even the dead fear and obey Dracula! With the powers of necromancy he can talk to the dead either telepathically or by raising them as spirits. Through these activities he can foretell parts of the future or discover hidden or forgotten knowledge. This power is especially potent on suicide victims or those who are buried on unhallowed ground. With the recently deceased he can raise them as weaker vampires who work as cannon fodder for Dracula and slaves
-Thrall sense: Any humans that Dracula bites or shares blood with, he can see through their eyes and control their bodies, though not to the same degree that Sardu can.
-Animal familiars: Dracula has been shown to be able to control the lesser creatures of the earth. Rats, bats and insects obey his every command. This animal mind control extends to larger predatory animals like wolves, in theory he could use this power on a variety of animals, especially predators and carnivores.
Special abilities:
-Gravity manipulation: Dracula can climb walls and ceilings with almost no purchase, he can even use this power to change direction in mid leap.
-Weather manipulation: Dracula can cause it to rain or snow and can powerful storms and fog to cover his tracks and impede his enemy's mobility and vision. He can direct powerful gale force winds to aid him in escape or attack.
-Size changing: One of his most bizarre powers, Dracula can actually change his height, size and width. He can slip through a crack in a wall barely a millimeter wide while still roughly keeping his human shape. He can become very, very tiny and walk through openings that are almost microscopic. He can become thin like a sheet of paper and hide in the smallest places.
-Bat form: One of his most well known forms, Count Dracula can turn into a bat to flutter into the night. This bat form is shocking durable as it was able to take a forty five caliber bullet from Quincy Morris's revolver and keep flying like nothing happened. Surely something that would rip apart a mundane bat.
-Mist form: Appearing as fog or elemental dust, in this form Dracula can neither harm nor be harmed. Also his senses do not appear to be dulled or compromised while in this form.
Vampire senses:
-Hearing: Able to hear human heartbeats as well as hear conversations from a few blocks away
-Eyesight: Has night vision comparable to a cat. Day vision or bright light vision is roughly as good as a human's.
-Smell: Comparable in sensitivity to a wolf.
-Mind powers: These can be used to track prey or enemies out of visual range, though not from very great distances.
Madman with a Keyboard: Basically, it'll be nigh-impossible to sneak up on him, without him 'hearing' you approach.
Defense:
-Regeneration: Dracula possesses a Wolverine like healing factor that allows him to stab wounds in seconds and lost limbs in slightly longer time.
-Shadow-less: Dracula isn't visible in mirrors and doesn't show up on cameras. Only organic living or undead eyes but no mechanical recording systems.
-Specific death sequence: To die totally and utterly, Dracula needs to be staked in the heart and then decapitated. Decapitation or staking alone will cause his body to shut down but he will be back up and running anywhere from minutes to an hour or two.
Madman with a Keyboard: So yeah, Dracula is essentially an undead, magic-wielding, shape-shifting Hank Pym with a sadism streak a mile wide. How the frak can he die!?
Master if the Boot: I'm glad you brought that up!
Weaknesses:
Master of the Boot: Dracula's weaknesses are both well known and not so well known so get ready for an education!
Madman with a Keyboard: That honestly, if you're interested in this, ya should know.
-Sunlight: The effect of direct sunlight causes Dracula to lose his shape shifting powers, decreases his strength somewhat, weakens his vision and appears to cause slight discomfort. It does not however kill him and he frequently goes into sunlight for hours while doing business with humans. Nor does the sun take away his mental powers.
-Water: Dracula can only cross running water with the aid of his coffin full of dirt most of the time. However during high tide and low tide he can cross water bodies unaided.
Master of the Boot: And while we're on the subject, silver does Dracula no harm. In any shape or form.
-Holy objects: Crosses, holy wafers and other Christian relics can be used against him. Crosses repel him as do bibles and contact with any sort of holy objects burns his flesh unbearably. Keep it mind that it has to be a real cross, just making a cross shape with your fingers won't stop him. To date nobody has tried using non-Christian holy relics and charms against him
-Home invitation: Dracula needs an invitation to enter a place where humans live, like a house or a mental hospital. This doesn't apply to abandoned houses or places where humans work but not live and sleep in like a factory or a warehouse.
Madman with a Keyboard: As ruthless as a bastard he may be, at least he's polite... To a certain degree.
-Natural objects: Garlic repels Dracula much like the cross does, either in bulb or flower form. The wild hawthorn bush can entangle him like a spider's web, wild roses and wolfsbane provide much the same effect as garlic.
-Stakes: Bullets or slug shaped projectiles cannot kill Dracula, even when they shoot through his heart. Only stakes or long objects made from either wood, steel or iron can kill him; like knives or swords.
Master of the Boot: Basically this means that you can kill Dracula by stabbing him in the heart with a Katana and then cut off his head before his heart can regenerate. Nice . . .
Madman with a Keyboard: Now I want to read a story with Dracula in Feudal Japan.... TO THE INTERNET!
Trivia: Nothing really relevant, just cool shit
-Dracula doesn't talk with an accent. His English is nearly perfect except for where he stresses vowel sounds in the wrong places occasionally.
Master of the Boot: Thus does the Count return to reclaim his throne and slay the pretenders, fakers and contenders who have sprung up in his absence. The violence will be swift and terrible, and the blood will flow . . .
Madman with a Keyboard: Dracula. The Prince of Darkness, The Devil in Disguise, The No-life King, and a REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE!
(Count Dracula: Listen to the children of the night. How they sing.)
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Master of the Boot: Now our next contestant is a real bastard of bastards! Born in Kansas and a defiler of women, Skinner Sweet is the American vampire; a solar powered hellspawn who eats European vamps for breakfast and some say is the devil's left nut.
Master of the Boots: American Vampire was intended to be a fuck you to the Anne Rice strain of vampires (fuck yeah!) as well as a steaming Bush era love letter to America (gag!).
The Gentleman: (Looks over through the volumes he owns) I don't see anything that actually suggests that specifically...
The Lady: (singsong) Pro-jec-tion!
Master of the Boots: I stand by what I said. Anyway, the American vampire Skinner - intentionally or not -
The Gentleman: If the subtext is what you claim it is, one is inclined to think the former-
Master of the Boots: - came to embody the very worst aspects of America and American history. As a human soldier he participated in several genocides and rapes of Native Americans. Later turning to banditry, he proved himself an opportunistic killer who held his worst impulses for none whites and women; holding misogyny as a faith and racism as a religion. And he never learned a second language. He killed children, raped women and ran with like minded psychos.
The Lady: Sounds like the mutant bastard lovechild of Freddy Krueger and a Good Ol' Boy from Deliverance.
The Gentleman: Really? I was thinking more every psychopath from Sergio Leone Westerns you could care to name... crossed with Freddy Krueger.
The Lady: Ha! I knew we thought alike!
Master of the Boots: After a run in with classic Carpathian vampires Skinner Sweet turned into a horrifying and powerful new breed of vampire that had everyone running in fear. Now almost unstoppable and bloodthirsty to the extreme, Skinner Sweet is here to make sure all will fear the American vampire.
Skinner is rude, crude and has a psychopathic desire to see that he's the last man standing . . . by any means necessary.
Skinner Sweet
Height: 6'0''
Weight: 200 lbs
Age: 60 years old
Species: American Vampire
Feats:
-able to tear apart six standard Carpathian vampires at once with ease
-became a powerful figure in the Las Vegas underworld in the twenties and thirties
-wiped out several influential cabals of Carpathian vampires
-used his power to kill other vampires to find work as a mercenary for vampire hunters for a number of years
-evaded capture by Carpathian vampire cabals and covens for years
-routinely betrayed his allies and killed his friends
Master of the Boot: To clarify, Carpathians are vampires of the Dracula type. They have most of Dracula's powers; from hypnosis to mind control. They have the strength of about six world class strongmen. They do not however turn into bats or mist, and they burn in the sun like rice paper over flame.
The Gentleman: Lovely.
Physicality:
Strength
-is totally able to overpower Carpathian and other species of vampires
Speed
-fast enough to appear invisible to humans
Reflexes:
-Outmatches the reflexes of Carpathian vampires, who are themselves superhuman
Misc
-powerful swimmer and at home in the water like a shark
The Lady: Ta-nuh. Ta-nuh. Ta-nuh-ta-nuh-ta-nuh-
The Gentleman: Are you sounding off the theme to Jaws?
The Lady: I couldn't resist!
Long range:
-Winchester Rifle: As an outlaw, Skinner used the Winchester Model 1886. Manufactured by the Winchester Repeating Arms Corporation this gun was the first true American express rifle. This gun is much more powerful than previous Winchester rifle incarnations and is chambered to fire the most powerful black cartridge shots of its day; including the .45 government round and even the heavy .50-100 express "buffalo" cartridges. The gun's design is so sturdy that it can handle modern high velocity smokeless powder bullets; which Skinner will need against his current batch of foes.
-Browning Automatic Rifle (BAR): During the war with Imperial Japan, Sweet did mercenary work for human vampire hunters and the US government. As such, he had pick of the United State's army's arsenal. During that time frame, the BAR was a highly powerful light machinegun with a maximum range of 1500 meters, a muzzle velocity of 860 meters per second and a rate of fire of 500-600 shots per minute. Human soldiers found the weapon heavy, hard to aim without a bipod and cursed the tiny twenty round magazine it came with. Sweet's vampire nature however allowed him to use it far beyond human proficiency.
-M1-Garand: This was the primary firearm of the American army during the second world war. A semi-automatic rifle with a max range of 500 meters and an eight round clip, the Garand was a huge leap forward over the bolt action rifles of the British or Germans at the time. Sweet disliked the rifle because it lacked the sentimental value of the Winchester or the insane firepower of the BAR but Skinner could use it with high competency.
Master of the Boot: So this guy isn't just an inglorious bastard, he's an inglorious asshole.
The Lady: (pouts) I wanted to say that...
Medium Range:
-Coachgun: A catch-all term for several brands of double barreled shotguns used in the days of the Ol' West, these guns have changed little in over a hundred years. Sweet's gun in particular is a big beast of a gun designed to fire twelve or even more powerful ten gauge shells. At shorter ranges the heavy buckshot will rip a man open or take off a head. The only downside is that it's a two-shot weapon strictly.
-Schofield Revolver: Skinner Sweet disagrees with revolver Ocelot on what's the greatest gun in the world. The Schofield revolver is a creation of the Smith&Wesson specifically for the needs of the US cavalry forces. Soon after its creation, bandits and desperados made use of the gun for its semi-automatic firing mechanism The gun itself has a six round capacity, muzzle velocity of 244 meters per second and was famously used by Wyatt Earp and members of his gang.
Explosives:
-Dynamite: Though we take it for granted today, for Skinner Sweet dynamite was a recent invention. After being buried alive for twenty-five years, he used copious amounts of dynamite to wipe out an entire town in a display of brutality rivaling Saddam Hussein's genocide of the Kurds. Sweet likes to keep dynamite with him most times for demolishing buildings, preferably with people in them.
Melee:
-Claws: When Skinner vamps out, his hands grow brass colored claws that are about four inches long each. The claws have a knife like edge and like Disney's Gargoyles they're strong enough to leave deep marks on solid stone and not dull
-Jaws/venom: When he's in human shape, Skinner looks like any old greasy goon. In vamp form he's a walking nightmare. During his vamp transformations, Skinner's mouth sprouts innumerable needle sharp teeth and his jaws distend like a snake, so his mouth ends up looking like something that would look about right on a deep sea fish.
Master of the Boot: Like those bastards the angler fish, those make me shit bricks!
Through his teeth, Sweet is able to inject his prey with a venom that induces long lasting and fast acting paralysis. This venom was shown to work equally well on vampires and humans. However a breed of psychotic, animalistic Japanese vampires were immune to this.
Defense:
Iron flesh: As an American vampire, Skinner Sweet possesses an armored skin that's both supple and nigh indestructible. The fangs and teeth of other vampires just bounce off and leave no scratch and even world war two era firearms in volley fire at close range don't even leave a bruise.
Solar Power: Some vampires are immune to the sun, but the American vampire has evolved beyond this. Skinner Sweet actually grows stronger from sunlight Everything about him grows stronger in sunlight. Even UV lights will give him a little perk.
Regeneration: Even if his skin is breached, Sweet's body can replace lost tissues and limbs in a matter of minutes to hours
Vampire Senses:
-Sweet possesses the usual package of superhuman senses, superhuman night vision, super smell and hearing. The only difference between him and other vampires is that his day vision is as good as his night vision and he can see in the full human spectrum of colors
Weaknesses:
Goldenrod: Gold is Skinner Sweet's kryptonite. Objects of gold will cut through his armored skin like a hot blade through butter, slow down his regeneration and leave stiff and painful scars. A gold bullet through the heart or head is an instant kill
Tyranny of the Moon: Sweet is fueled by the sun, but he needs the moon to metabolize the power of Sol. It's almost like a werewolf really. The larger the moon in the sky gets, the stronger Sweet becomes. On the new moon he's so weak that he can't vamp out and he can barely wrestle with a healthy human male. Whereas on the full moon he's at full capacity and all systems go
Japanese Vamps: On an Island south of the Japanese archipelago, Skinner and several other vampire hunters encountered a population of animal like vampires who were not only immune to Skinner's venom but could cut through his skin with their claws and teeth as if he were only human. There was not enough time to find out why this was the case, the author however hinted that this might have been evolution in action; that the process of natural selection could in fact favor and proliferate a breed of vampire able to threaten the American vampire
Master of the Boot: American vampire was a pretty good book. And it did what it set out to do wonderfully. However in the book the author pretty much takes every opportunity to say that Europeans are weaklings and hedonists with no brains. I'm sure that Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme, Vinnie Jones or Jason Statham agree with him.
The Gentleman: Sounds people are the type to happily dispense blow jobs if it means they're doing it for (insert national pride here). Others, instead of doing it for real, prefer metaphorical fellatio conveyed through fiction.
Trivia: For cool but useless stuff
-Skinner Sweet's personality and appearance were modeled after rock star Kurt Cobain. What this says about Sweet I have no idea, or what it says about the man who created him, Stephen King.
-Sweets: He's always asking people if they have any sweets. I mean like, always. It gets really annoying after a while . . . Damn you Stephen King and your repetitive writing!
Master of the Boot: But for all the book's faults, Sweet is a true example of an American vampire. Something that upsets the balance of the European powers, defies the old rules and leaves a trail of tears, blood and bodies in his wake. He's a total sociopath who will turn on his allies without a thought and butchers strictly for the fun. He's not after anything logical or reasonable; if he's out for power, its purely for a lark. Skinner Sweet isn't so much motivated to cause anarchy and death as much as anarchy and death are his motivation. He's one of the men who just wants to watch the world burn
=======================================================================================
Master of the Boot: Last but hardly least, we get a freakshow nightmare who's ugly as hell, contagious like ebola and brutally intelligent.
Give it up for Jusef Sardu!!!!!!!!
Master of the Boot: Once upon a time, there was once an Armenian nobleman named Jusef Sardu. Sardu was crippled by gigantism, but despite his weak and infirmed body, he always showed kindness and humility to all he met; rare to anyone in his upbringing.
Madness Abe: Guy was a true gentle giant. But sadly, all that changed when one fateful day, one of the seven Master vampires killed his father and made Sardu his new host body. Inhabiting the body of Sardu, the youngest of the Master vampires gained an avatar of unparalleled strength, speed and brute force.
Master of the Boot: With Sardu's body, the Master spread a trail of plague and death before eventually covering the earth in nuclear winter and created a global vampire empire!
Madness Abe: Sadly, there was no Vampire Hunter D around to stop this kind of disaster.
Master of the Boot: Lock your doors! Try to hide! No matter what you do, Sardu will find you.
Name: Jusef Sardu
Height: 8'4''
Weight: 540 lbs
Age: 1500 years old
Species: Strain Vampire
Feats:
-Outsmarted the other older vampire masters who were thousands of years older
-Manipulated billionaire Eldritch Palmer in order to gain unlimited power and money in the human realm
-Caused a nuclear winter and took over the world in a vampire empire
-Evaded detection by human and vampire assassins for over a century
Master of the Boot: From Guillermo Del Toro's book The Strain, Sardu comes in like an eight foot nightmare. The Master who took over Sardu's body began life ironically as an Angel. Thousands of years ago, three angels came to earth and one of them went insane and cannibalized his fellow angels. For his crime, he was dismembered and his pieces scattered around the earth. These angel pieces degraded in shape from that of a celestial being into a grotesque and blood drinking life form that took the shape of ghastly vampire worms.
Madness Abe: What it is with Del Toro and worms? Anyway, these worms soon infected human beings and formed the seven original vampire Masters, with Sardu being the youngest and the greediest of them all.
Master of the Boot: When the First World War rolled around, Sardu was blown away by the sheer amount of humans he could kill and drink without anyone even noticing. Thus from that moment on, he devised a plan to kill the other Masters and rule the world for himself; turning the humans into his cattle.
Physicality:
-Crushes human heads like eggshells
-Can rip human limbs off like Lego pieces
-Can leap fifty feet into the air while carrying a five hundred pound coffin; All while being fast enough to be invisible to human eyes
-Incredibly strong even compared to the other, older master vampires
-Easily able to scale sheer surfaces while carrying a five hundred pound coffin
Reflexes:
Superhuman--moves fast enough to be invisible to video cameras
Medium range:
-Stinger: Unlike other vampires, Sardu doesn't use fangs to drink blood. Instead, he literally vomits up his own esophagus to strike at his victims. This re-purposed esophagus is eight feet long and ends in a long, razor-sharp bone barb that is meant to stab into the thighs or throats of the victims to drink their blood and simultaneously inject them with vampire capillary worms. This stinger strikes faster than humans can react to; so fast a special camera for seeing bullets in mid air is needed to see it.
Madness Abe: So, in a sense, he becomes a mosquito?
Master of the Boot: I guess so, but a lot uglier and more gross
Melee:
-Claws: Sardu, like all of his vampire kin, has neither fingernails nor hair. However on the middle finger of each hand, he has a single six inch long razor sharp claw, ideal for gutting victims or fighting with rival vampires
Master of the Boot: Remember the raptors from Jurassic Park? Those claws are on Sardu's hands
-Giant frame: Due to the massive size of his host body, Sardu possesses strength far above that of other strain vampires
Psychic powers:
-Telepathy: Sardu can both read minds and project his thoughts into others. This is useful to him as he's unable to speak human language save for a few basic words, requiring telepathy to communicate to his human servants and enemies.
Master of the Boot: His telepathic ability functions like a search engine, in that he's going to find the thoughts that are most relevant to his search, as opposed to the thoughts that are at the forefront of a human's mind. This allowed him to easily read Ephraim Goodweather's mind and see his plans but in the heat of battle against experienced vampire hunter Abraham Sektrakian, he hid his own plans from Sardu by thinking distracting thoughts and using his personal history with the vampire to antagonize him.
-Mind control: Several times Sardu has shown to mind control individual humans, playing them like puppets and making them walk into danger like horror movie blondes when they know they shouldn't go into that dark corner. He has yet to demonstrate this power on groups though or against psychically proficient foes.
-The Murmur: A kind of psychic flash bang grenade. Sardu can unleash a psychic echo of such force that it was able to render two hundred humans on board a jumbo jet unconscious.
Madness Abe: Don't get why he needs to use his mind to do that. If he wants to put 200 people to sleep, he could've made them watch a Michael Bay movie.
Master of the Boot: I still can't believe there's a guy who can make explosions boring
-Hive mind: Every vampire that Sardu creates or is genetically descended from him is part of a hive mind with him at the center. With each and every vampire of his bloodline, he can see and sense everything they can and control their actions perfectly. They have about as much individuality as a human toe or ear. He also displays a frightening degree of control over his vampires even in large groups.
Madness Abe: So, less like mosquitoes, more like giant bloodsucking bees. Got it.
Master of the Boot: Now you're getting it!
Vampire senses:
-Sight: Sardu's vision is perfectly adapted to nocturnal life and hunting patterns. He sees the world purely in black and white but has phenomenally low light vision. He also has the power to perceive heat signatures, as hot objects will appear brighter than cold ones; this allows him to see even in pitch black as everything above absolute zero is going to give off at least some light to him.
Madness Abe: But can he see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Master of the Boot: Nobody can see that, but basically Sardu has vision almost like the predator
-Hearing: Sardu's hearing is keener than the average vampire, who can hear a human heartbeat.
Madness Abe: Got an idea: Sardu Hears a Who! The goriest children's book ever!
Master of the Boot: I think you'd be good at writing children's books, Abe.
-Mind powers: Several times, Sardu has used telepathy and other mind powers to track the location of prey over close range.
Defenses:
-Regeneration: Due to the vampire worms in his blood and virus laden tissues, Sardu can replace lost tissues in minutes and even whole limbs in a matter of hours. He cannot heal, however at a rapid rate like Wolverine.
-Simplified organs: A vampire's organs are far simpler than a humans, lacking true lungs or a real digestive system. They basically only have a heart and a collection of sacs. Due to the simplicity of their organs they can handle the failure and destruction of nearly all their internal organs without much bother. Even destruction of the heart with a non-silver weapon will be little more than a minor inconvenience
-Pain resistance: Sardu's pain resistance is incredible, even for a vampire. After being poisoned with pure liquid silver and bursting into flames in direct sunlight, he still had the self control to smile at his enemies, taking off his clothes to increase his contact to sunlight, just to mock his foes.
-Body swapping: In the event that Sardu's physical body gets too badly damaged to regenerate or he receives fatal silver poisoning, he can jump into a new human body or another weaker strain vampire.
He is able to do this because his consciousness is actually not housed in his brain but in the thousands of parasitic worms that inhabit his body. These thousands of horse-hair like worms share a hive mind and that mind is Sardu. These worms enter a victim through the bodily orifices or through any wounds they have. When in the form of a thousand worms, Sardu can still use his psychic powers and the Murmur to paralyze his new host body.
Weaknesses:
Master of the Boot: As powerful as Sardu is and as great as his evil is, the old monster has weaknesses that his enemies can exploit. Crosses and holy relics don't do shit to him and garlic is useless. He also doesn't need to be invited into a home. He does however have other vampire weaknesses.
-Running water: Sardu cannot cross moving bodies of water like rivers or lakes or the ocean. It's a holdover from his genesis as an angel. The only way for him to cross bodies of water is to travel in a coffin loaded with the soil of his point of origin. He could theoretically handle a bathtub or a swimming pool but throwing him into moving water essentially puts him into suspended animation until he washes ashore and makes contact with earth.
Madness Abe: So a shower's a good place to hide from him. At least until the water gets cut off.
Master of the Boot: I forgot to pay my water bill . . .
-Silver: Pure silver burns Sardu's flesh like fire and causes it to liquefy like acid while boiling his bodily fluids. Pure silver hurts him the worst, but even silver compounds like silver nitrate can poison him fatally in the right dose.
Madness Abe: Well, I got this copy of Pokemon: Silver. Wonder if it'll kill him...
Master of the Boot: If that doesn't work we can use my dad's silver plated golf trophies
-Sunlight: Sunlight has the effect to cause Sardu to burst into flames. Even weak UV lights burn his skin and can kill the exposed worms of his bodies. In fact, should he try to host transfer, a good UV light will finish off the capillary worms in seconds with a few good sweeps. Granted he can survive for a time on fire in the sunlight, but this is highly damaging and requires that he have a replacement host lined up.
-Vomit reflex: Due to his suction based digestion system, Sardu cannot vomit like a human can. If he feeds from a blood source that is tainted with silver or silver compounds then he will be poisoned with no way to purge his body of it. He only survived such a poisoning by swapping hosts.
Trivia: For info that's not really relevant to the battle but is just interesting or otherwise funny.
Master of the Boot: Fun fact, Sardu has a digestion system like a tick. So basically as he feeds, he's constantly defecting. Yes, as he feeds, he's spraying clear ammonia rich guano everywhere.
Guillermo Del Toro: I know how to redeem vampires from the sparkling!
Readers: How?
Guillermo Del Toro: By giving them explosive diarrhea!
Readers: . . .
Master of the Boot: So at every place that he feeds, when viewed under a black light looks like if Bart Simpson lobbed a couple of hand grenades into a full port-a-potty and ran. Thanks Guillermo!
Madness Abe: Thus Sardu is not just an enemy, but the source of a deadly contagion that has the potential to infect the entire world!
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Master of the Boot: So! With the three profiles there, let me lay down the rules for voting!
The more detailed the vote the better. I don't care who you think would win, as long as you clearly identify why in relation to the others. Simply a one sentence vote saying "just because" is not going to cut it and will be disregarded.
After you pick the winner, try to choose who comes in second and third. Again, be detailed; it makes things more fun.
Beyond that, be civil to each other and try to have as fun! That's the whole point of this thing!
And before I forget, special thanks to
and Thank you all very much for cohosting with me, you made this all the more enjoyable. Thanks for reading and voting!
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And here is it 
My first ever death battle. I hope you all enjoy reading this and I look forward to seeing your votes!
Love you all!!
Ta
Master of the Boot
My first ever death battle. I hope you all enjoy reading this and I look forward to seeing your votes! Love you all!!
Ta
Master of the Boot
© 2014 - 2024 Master-of-the-Boot
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when you will make the fight?